I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
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I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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