So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize