So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize