I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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