thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I supernannyed him into submission
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize