I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
vagina is talking i cant
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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