Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize