I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Two words: blizzard sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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