Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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