He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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