do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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