The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
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What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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