I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's get the cat blown out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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