I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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