Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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