my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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