I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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