Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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