He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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