Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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