When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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