In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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