WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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