I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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