yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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