just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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