I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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