she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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