i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
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Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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