I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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