Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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