I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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