96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize