so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize