im drinking this country out of the recession.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize