I must be too annoying 4 u.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize