So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize