Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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