I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize