Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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