I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize