You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize