You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize