as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize