I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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