in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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