just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize