I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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