Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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