Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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