Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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